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CHAPTER 1
The grumbling of a distant thunder interrupted my thoughts. I
paused by the stone wall before climbing over and observed the
sky. I thought I heard a strange sound, a prolonged whining that
followed the sinister noise that faded into the silence of the
countryside. It had been perhaps the fruit of my anxiety or a
premonition that should have convinced me to postpone the search
to a more favourable time. I wanted to go back, but a strange
feeling and the refusal to surrender to the fear that had risen
suddenly at the sound of the thunder, increased my audacity. I
jumped over the wall and kept on walking on the wet grass of the
country that in winter picks up the dampness of the night to give
it back to the air, when the sun warms it up again.
I had started my wandering on the hills and the caves that surround
Ianuneti without a specific destination; I was searching for the
solution to a mystery that I hoped to find at the end of my physical
exhaustion. I had chosen casually a place in the country as a
point of departure and from there I would go on a straight line,
ignoring the difficulties that I would face during the descents
and the climbing of the ravines. That day the anxiety made me
more reckless, a strange feeling forced me to follow a more impervious
path. Sometimes we perceive a discomfort that we would like to
attribute to things happening around us or as the result of a
physical illness, but this feeling can also come from an existential
restlessness or, as in my particular case, from an unconscious
call that directs our actions toward a mysterious finality.
Every time I got those feelings I felt my head empty and I would
lose contact with reality to enter a surreal world, where the
physical laws were overturned. The gravity would disappear and
I would get the sensation that I could fly. But the moment had
not come yet and the impulse turned instead into a wait. When
the anxiety became unbearable, I went to
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the hill that overlooks the town, I paused on
the summit, took a big breath to free myself from the weight that
gripped my chest and I meditated a few minutes. That brief pause
had become a rite that allowed me to decrease the tension. I observed
the hills lost in the light mist of the distance; to the east
the sea was a thin blue stripe. The grey lines of the canyons
drew some abstract forms; they departed from the level of the
land and then sank in deep gorges, signs of the apocalyptic events
that had modelled the land. The fences, made of stones, were instead
geometric drawings of squares, rectangles, uneven shapes; they
were properties limits and assured the right to cultivate the
land contained therein. Those walls seemed to be witnesses to
the labour of men that drew, with their sweat, nourishment from
the arid land, covered mostly by rocks: the earth from which they
had been made.
Two hundred meters farther, on the right, there was a country
road, wide enough to let my small car through, whose bottom scraped
at times the rocks strewn all along. At the end there was an iron
gate. I parked the car, picked up the stick hidden behind the
stonewall that held the gate and ventured in what had to be my
walk-revelation. The stick was well balanced and smooth, drawn
from an olive branch, almost a meter and a half long; it looked
like a javelin. I used it during the descents and the steep slopes,
but it had also the purpose of a weapon and made me feel confident.
This was another sign of the insecurity that was creeping into
my thoughts; in reality, there was no need to protect myself,
the danger was only a feeling of precariousness that was increasing
with time.
The reasons that pushed me to undertake those excursions, in good
or bad weather, are very important for my story and I think it’s
necessary to mention them for a reflection that could give some
logic and likelihood to what I am about to describe: an extraordinary
story indeed, that could seem perhaps surreal, but that is instead
true.
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An eerie feeling tormented me after the announcement
of George’s illness and I wanted to find a rational explanation
to the strange similarity I noticed in the lives of people and
things.
My anguish started the day I had met him, a retired teacher of
Latin and Greek. We were sitting by chance, or destiny, in contiguous
places during a concert of classical music. We exchanged some
words during the intermission and his way of talking, the gesture,
the considerations he was making and what I perceived through
my unusual sensitivity, reminded me of Giovanni, a dear friend
of mine who had died the year before, when his melanoma had become
brain cancer. At the end, without paying attention, I called him
Giovanni and he corrected me smiling.
Giovanni had fought his last battle in a hospital and I had followed
the progress of his illness with increasing apprehension and pain,
aware of the unavoidable end; he was my best friend. Before dying
he had asked me to finish the book he was writing, as if to leave
a sign to testify his life experience. He had guarded jealously
all the pictures taken during the Second World War. It struck
me the way he had illustrated an oasis of peace, in contrast with
what was happening around. They narrated a period of his youth
in a simple but very expressive way, with the lights and shades
of the photos, all in black and white. The images conveyed the
desolation of the war he had been through, prisoner of the SS
for a full year, and the desire of freedom he achieved climbing
the mountains with his friend Rosa. They were both daring mountain
climbers at a time when the equipment was rather rudimentary.
Later he had travelled extensively, driven by an unquenchable
thirst to discover new places and different civilizations, perhaps
in search of a land that ignored war.
I had written some comments under each photo and he had liked
the simplicity of the explanations. To complete his story he wanted
to take some pictures of the Nazi’s concentration
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camps he had planned to visit. Instead death
had interrupted his work, at least until… George crossed
my path.
A few weeks after the concert I saw George again, waiting for
the bus. I waved and invited him into the car. He was holding
some plastic bags as if they were a treasure. And such they were
indeed, at least for me. He had just returned from a trip to Germany
and Poland, where he had visited the concentration camps. He had
developed the photos and showed them to me. I was amazed: they
were all in black and white! I told him about the book and I asked
if I could use some of his photos to finish it and thus fulfil
my friend’s desire.
Our friendship started with the peculiarity of déjà
vu. More I came to know him, more I became aware of the strange
connection he had with Giovanni. He owned a country house 32 Km
from my house, the exact distance from the one Giovanni had, but
in the opposite direction. He had travelled to places where Giovanni
had been, cooked similar meals, was an enthusiastic photographer
and he cultivated in the small garden of his country house the
same vegetables and the same flowers. He had the same deep voice;
perhaps this was just an impression.
I was startled when he told me of the surgery he had had a few
years before, for a cancer of the skin. He had been operated in
’97; I didn’t dare to ask him the date, I was afraid
he would tell me on October the 10th, like Giovanni!.
Those were odd occurrences and I couldn’t shun the thought
of their resemblance and the return of the memories reopened the
wound that the departing of my old friend had left.
One day he told me that he was having some difficulties in pronouncing
some words, he felt in his head a weight that bothered him and
was scheduled to pass a scan in mid February. I had listened to
him with apprehension. His life was woven in a striking similarity
to Giovanni's life. I felt again a knot in the throat.
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Was it possible that George had a brain tumour?
Would he die like Giovanni? Were they, perhaps, two parts of the
same being or living parallel lives? And, furthermore, is there
a law according to which what one starts must be completed in
one way or another? Was the hidden reason for the pictures he
had taken the completion of the book Giovanni couldn't finish?
These and many other thoughts had been bothering me for a few
months and I had started my excursions with the desire to find
a logical answer to all my questions. I wanted to push myself
to the limit of physical endurance, as if, emptied of energy,
the body could melt and free the extra-sensorial perceptions.
Another object of consideration was the fact that I had, in the
past, some visions in special places, strange trips in distant
eras; but I could not divulge these stories for fear of being
considered affected by hallucinatory schizophrenia. Now, while
I am writing, this fear doesn’t exist anymore, my judgment
has become more objective and I can afford to describe the things
that I have witnessed without the worry to incur in the denial
of the sceptics. During the perception of events from the past
I was usually a spectator but, at times, I had taken part in them
and it would have been difficult to explain how I was able to
communicate with the people I met. Now I have inferred that such
communication had happened at the subconscious level, extra sensorial,
and therefore there was no need to know the language of those
I met. But how can you explain these things to the people who
need scientific evidence?
During the whole month of January grey clouds had almost always
stained the sky and sometimes I got soaking wet, when a sudden
downpour caught me far from the gate. For this reason I kept in
the car a towel, a pair of jeans and a shirt. That fateful day
the clouds were low, almost black, and threatened a storm. Unconcerned
by the wind and the sudden cold that had replaced the warmth of
the previous day, I was walking on the sod just removed by the
plough, inhaling the
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smell of the soil. I jumped a wall, on which
some brambles were creeping, and went towards the first canyon,
trying to avoid the paths that I had already crossed, despite
the fact that I could lose the orientation. I reached the bottom,
where the dampness kept the soil wet and muddy. I observed my
imprints clearly drawn on the surface; someone would perhaps find
them before they would disappear forever. I thought that those
footprints were a little of me, the trace I left to witness an
important moment of my search.
Where the bottom of the canyon widened and the light could reach
the opening, an enormous barrier of brambles prevented me from
continuing in a straight direction. I could bypass only on the
sides and go up the cliffs either on the right or on the left.
I tried to identify a sign that would allow me to choose the direction:
I listened carefully to the noise of the wind shaking the tops
of the trees, the grumbling of the distant thunders, the heartbeat,
my breath. I didn’t find any help. I decided to go to the
right, convinced to find some indication in there. And so it was,
to my great surprise and fear. While I was near the top of the
cliff, in sight of an almost inaccessible rock deprived of vegetation,
I noticed the head of a wolf sticking out. He was threatening
with his hair bristly and dark. I marvelled at the possibility
that there could be some wolves in those regions, but then the
name of the place made reference to those animals. Or was that
again a vision of the past? I picked up a stone and threw it with
all my strength towards the animal, hoping to dissolve its consistency.
A growl or a fierce howling answered my provocation and three
other heads appeared at his side. I felt less fearful by gripping
the stick, my weapon. I gathered another stone and threw it at
them waving the stick, as if this would have been able to break
the spell. A series of fiercer growls answered the new attempt.
The dog or wolf that seemed to lead the pack, threateningly showed
me the sharp teeth and leaned out as if looking for a way to reach
me. I didn’t have any other choice
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but to walk down the path from where I had come
and decided to climb instead the opposite slope.
When I reached a terrace, half way to the top, I paused to rest
a little. From there, I could see the charred trunks of some trees
that had burnt a few years before, during a violent fire that
had destroyed a great portion of the vegetation of the already
poor land. They looked like some twisted ghosts. Those on the
highest and distant hills looked like threatening human shapes.
One in particular attracted my attention: it had a blackened stump.
Puzzled, I followed the direction it was pointing at. I guessed
the presence of another canyon and then I saw a distant and higher
hill. Behind its horizon the glare of a halo was projected on
the grey sky as if a fire would be burning at the bottom of the
valley. Was it an invitation? A call? An illusion or the fruit
of my desire? The cave had to be deeper than the others and to
reach the bottom it would take a good half hour. I set out in
that direction sure that there I would find the answers to my
questions.
While I was trying to jump over a wall, the branch of a bramble
stuck its sharp thorns to my pants, as if to prevent me from going.
I freed myself scratching my hands, but instead of listening to
the suggestion, as I would have done in other occasions, I continued
in a quicker pace and arrived at the edge of the other hillside.
A barbed wire, two meters from the edge, was stretched over some
wooden poles to prevent the animals from falling into the ravine.
With great care and the help of the stick, I crossed the barrier
and reached the edge. From there I could see, at the bottom, a
large field of grass and several oaks lining the opposite wall.
Some had lost the leaves and the branches to the fire, others
had been spared. Right in the middle of the lawn there was an
enormous and solitary tree, undamaged. The fire had not scarred
it. While I was observing it, overwhelmed by its stately appearance,
a strange thought crossed my mind and made me curious and euphoric:
that oak was a copy of the
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one I had seen in the Sherwood Forest, in England!
The Major Oak! I didn’t have any doubt, she had impressed
me when I had seen her for the first time and was hypnotizing
me now. The base seemed clinging to the soil with roots as big
as elephant’s legs; the trunk, or perhaps several trunks,
were rising fused at the roots and separated slightly higher in
three gigantic branches that ran parallel to the ground and then
up, to become vertical and hold the thick and green cap of leaves.
I felt the same anxiety I had experienced when I had approached
the oak in the Sherwood Forest, and the desire to find the same
emotion I had experienced at the touch of its bark, accelerated
my heartbeat. I examined the cliff on which I was standing and
looked for a path or a way that would allow me to go down and
reach the oak. That tree was waiting for me. Did she attract me
from a distance, the way black holes in space draw all the objects
falling under their force field?
The desire to touch the leaves, the trunk and the branches was
stronger than the fear of falling; my will had become prisoner
of the magnetism stemming from the tree. I grabbed a root sticking
out from the rock and with great caution I started the descent,
uncaring of the pain I felt in my hands, wounded by the sharp
stones and the brambles to which I clung daringly. I had the feeling
of being suspended in the air, of being able to fly. With my foot
I was searching for a hole in the rock, a small shrub, a protrusion;
my bleeding hands were gripping the wall. Slowly I was climbing
down the vertical slope.
The grumbling of a thunder, echoed by the walls of the canyons,
woke me up from the numbness I had fallen into. Suddenly I wondered
what I was doing on that cliff, perched like a daredevil in a
precarious position, over the chasm. I understood that the sensation
of lightness I was feeling had its origin in the euphoria of the
discovery, I would not have been able to defy gravity and fly
like a bird. I felt fearful, but there was no other choice, I
wouldn’t have been able to regain the
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summit. A panic attack was imminent and to divert
my attention, I looked back at the oak. She appeared even more
majestic: the leaves stirred by a light wind that was now carrying
some rain droplets, the enormous trunk with deep grooves, wounds
caused by lightning, the hollow base, the branches wide and strong.
She was indeed waiting for me!
After a seemingly endless time, I finally reached the bottom.
My hair was wet, the rain had started to fall, but the inconvenience
was of no importance and couldn’t discourage me any more:
before my very eyes there was the sacred oak of the Druids, perhaps
a copy of the famous one. Was it possible that there were two
of them, complementary? In a parallel existence, like Giovanni
and George? Was it an invention of my fertile imagination? A vision
of the past?
The thunders were now closer and more threatening, the rain started
to fall with more violence. Indifferent to the danger that I should
have foreseen, I started to race towards the tree and, while I
was running, I heard someone shouting my name. I reached my fateful
destination panting. The rain had become a downpour and was hiding
the objects around and the cliff I had just climbed down. I tried
to find out who had called me, but the curtain of water was too
opaque.
Sheltered by the big green roof, I felt protected, and when I
leaned on the trunk, I became conscious of a strange energy that
was spreading to my whole body. I sensed that I was getting ready
for an imminent transformation: I became part of the oak and she
part of me. I looked at the branches stretching out from the trunk
and then rising towards the clouds. Higher up I noticed some mistletoe
growing on a branch. The omen was too clear now: the mistletoe
sacred to the Druids! The growth the priests looked for their
rites on the oaks, believed to hold the souls of the dead. They
had also a special golden sickle to cut it. The rites are essential
elements in a cult, they hold the followers to the belief and
the more they are mysterious and magic, the more they fascinate
their minds. I
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felt that I also had the need for that rite and
decided to pick it up; it would certainly suggest the answers
to my questions, the way it had done with the Druids. But how
could I reach it? It was too high and I didn’t have the
capability nor the agility to climb up the trunk. A stick would
have allowed me to get it, but with so much rain where could I
find one long enough? And where was mine? I had lost it during
the descent.
The downpour turned into a storm. The thunders exploded now immediately
after the lightning and deafened me with their loud sound. Streaks
of white light seemed to split the clouds and drew cracks on the
grey, while the rain continued to fall heavily.
I took refuge in the hollow trunk, it could hardly contain my
body, and I felt protected from the sudden fury that was gripping
the whole space around the oak. It was as if the rage of nature
had chosen the oak and me. That was a premonition or the prelude
to my trip, and even with my unusual extra-sensorial ability,
I couldn’t understand the events that had troubled my mind:
the visions of the past, Giovanni and George, the two oaks, the
sudden fury of the nature.
I didn’t fear the storms, thunders and lightings have always
fascinated me, now however I had the impression that something
was about to happen; I perceived an imminent danger. I leaned
from my hideaway to look again at the mistletoe that, oddly, seemed
to be dry. I exited my shelter and tried to catch a branch that,
because of the wet leaves and the strong wind, was waving up and
down. I was aware of the danger associated with the trees during
the storms, but I couldn’t care less and started to jump,
trying to grab it, until I succeeded. I can’t explain where
I found the necessary strength to hoist me up, or how much time
it took, the only thing I clearly remember is the attraction that
the mistletoe had exerted on my thoughts and on my will. Soaking
wet, I was perched on the branch, glued to it and unable to move.
In between the thunders, in the short moments of silence, I still
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heard the voice calling out my name, muffled
by the roar of the rain. Perhaps it was instead the wind howling
strong through the leaves; who could be there in such weather
and in that far away place? I started to crawl slowly towards
the trunk and I felt again the emotion I had in Sherwood: the
becoming part of the oak, like the leaves, the branches and the
trunk. A lightning closer than the other ones, shined on the wet
leaves and the thunder that burst almost simultaneously, made
me think of an enormous cannon exploding a few feet away. Right
after, in the silence that follows the deafening noises, I heard
the voice shouting words that hardly reached me and of which I
couldn’t grab the sense. Was my subconscious warning me
of the imminent danger? Or the last premonitions of the reason
that wanted to prevent me to begin the voyage? Ignoring the call
and its reason, I kept on crawling until I got close to the trunk;
I stood up on the branch and extended the arm to grab the mistletoe.
In that precise instant, when I touched it, the transformation
took place: a lightning struck us with all its violent force.
At first I was immobile and amazed, an enormous energy went through
my body and glued me to the trunk, then I saw myself exploding
like the fireworks when, reaching their apogee, open in the air
like an umbrella, with streaks of fire and coloured dots. I don’t
know if I passed out, if I caught fire, if my body disintegrated;
I didn’t see the tunnel of light that some people, close
to death, experience. I felt instead that the result of all the
energy that had hit me was the annihilation of the law of gravity.
I was flying without the body, but with the process of thoughts
enhanced. I could perceive everything without the nervous mechanisms:
I was escaping the spell of the oak, I crossed the atmosphere,
reached the sidereal space and from there I observed the earth
become a blue ball, the sun disappear, the galaxy melt.
I was frightened, but since I didn’t feel my heart, I cannot
say that its pulsation had increased. It became by now clear that
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what I was doing in the previous days was a kind
of preparation for the trip that I had to undertake after my bodily
disintegration. I can't even say if this happened in a fraction
of a second or in a long period, because time also seemed nonexistent.
To avoid fossilizing my thoughts in that colourless wake, I surrendered
to the feelings of the moment, without resistance, as I used to
do during my terrestrial life in the places of the visions, and
I tried to listen to the messages that I gathered from my new
surroundings.
I couldn’t see what was happening around me, my eyes didn’t
exist anymore, but I could perceive everything and imagine the
lights, the forms and the colours.
A mysterious force attracted us towards one point and our speed
was increasing with the flight, while travelling on a spiral course,
like the water in a sink. I have used the plural because I had
become aware of the presence of other conscious beings, not two,
one hundred nor a thousand, but in endless number.
There was not curiosity in me, nor fear, only the total letting
go to what seemed to be a natural law. I thought about the migration
of the animals, the mysterious power that drives them towards
a known place, the yearning for the universe they had lost when
they became unique, upon birth. This I can say with certainty,
now that I have transcended the space and the time during the
trip.
I didn’t hear any noise. How could I if my ears didn’t
exist anymore? I had however, the impression that there was a
vibration, a regular pulsation and a rhythm that gave meaning
to my flight and my thoughts. I wondered if the other particles
of energy felt the same sensation, but at that time I wasn’t
interested in communicating with them, nor would I even know how
to do it.
The speed was increasing constantly; the exhilarating run intoxicated
all my thoughts. I became aware of being directed
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towards a point that I thought was an enormous
black hole that swallowed all the energies, even the light. I
realized after that it was indeed a single point. The anxiety
that I still carried in my thoughts, made me wonder how we could
fit, all of us, in that microscopic point. I was still reasoning
with the material principles that connect space to volume and
time. Only that then, I wasn’t aware that time had disappeared
and all the physical laws that had forced me into a body, with
a weight and a limited life span, didn’t exist anymore.
I tried to use the notion that I had of time even if this would
oblige me to calculate it in millions of years, but I didn’t
have any reference point: where did I start? When?
The oak was only a connection to a reality by now nonexistent.
***
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